Good!

I started out today pretty damned frustrated about setting up my TESL experience here in the US, since I feel time slipping away and every school administrator in California seems to peace out for the summer and return just minutes before the school year starts. Inefficiency, dead ends, and obnoxiously unhelpful administrative assistants bring my blood to a rolling boil easily. I was a little surprised at how angry I was, and it dawned on me: Am I not signing up for a whole year at least of working with a potentially slow and inefficient school system?

It's easy to divide my life in two right now, to think only in terms of While I'm Here and When I'm There, and to place way, way too much burden on future Jo while letting present Jo get away with murder. I can let my frustration and temper run rampant now, but in Rwanda all those frustrating things will be Part Of The Experience so I will handle them with effortless grace and charm. I can be shy and deferring now, but in Rwanda things will be Different Somehow so I will be outgoing and strong. I can live outside my means now, but in Rwanda I will be Poor But Happy so I'll be able to live easily on less than a tenth of what I currently make. Right? Oh God.

One theme that has been coming up over and over in my preparation so far is: The person you are when you get on the plane in the US is the person you are when you step off the plane in Rwanda. If it hurts here, it'll hurt there. If you suck at it here, you'll suck at it there. As Guildenstern says, it's still the same sky. I have lots of improvements to make, and I guess I'd be a fool to wait for this magic panacea that is Rwanda to start making them.

So. My TEFL experience is frustrating. Good! Practice. A chance to brush up my pleasant telephone demeanor. A chance to persevere in spite of hitting a few brick walls. A chance to push for something and get what I want out of a system while working within it. A chance to raise a glass to my temper and say it ain't nothing big.